My grandson Matt many know has Downs Syndrome. He’s 25 and many mornings I’m reminded how his behavior is typical. He will call early in the morning, and all I hear is breathing. I will say hello, Matt. Matt you call me, and all I hear is the breathing. I again call his name, and then he will say, “Fine no go”. I will just listen. He will again say Matt no go. I will ask him is it time to go to work? He will say, “Stop saying that”. I tell him fine don’t go to work. We go through this back and forth several minutes. After he understands I don’t want to control his actions and I support him, I want to listen to his feelings and work on a solution. He feels safe, the conversation changes.

I then realize how his actions are the same as many others. Not being allowed to sometimes vent our emotions and say how we feel is typical. We need to feel safe in our relationships to tell others how we feel and they will listen without reprisal. There are days when many of us want to say, “Fine no go”.

Having relationships where we are allowed to be in control is extremely important. In many relationships someone wants to take control and tell others what to feel, what to do, and how to do it. People may just want to be heard, included in the conversation. Without this simple principle you sometimes may hear “FINE NO GO”

Randel C. Goad – Mandt Faculty Supervisor